I started my journey full of anticipation, feeling more excited than scared about what I thought was going to be a fun adventure. By the time I returned to the top of the rim, I knew that it was one of the scariest things I had ever done, and I faced fears that I had never been aware of. During those hours, there were plenty of times to ask God how and what I could learn from my experience. Over the next few weeks, I will be sharing some of these lessons.
LESSON # 1:
In some ways, my relationship with that mule was a lot like falling in love. Initially, I was attracted to the idea of riding a mule. I thought it would be fun, and figured that going down the Canyon this way would be a lot easier than hiking it. However, I had no idea what was ahead, what feelings would be brought up, or just how challenging the trip would be!
Similarly, I think most people believe that having a committed relationship is something worthy of pursuit. At some level of consciousness, we believe this person will meet our needs and that finally the hurting places we have inside can be avoided, if not healed. 'Big Steve' looked so strong and capable standing in his corral. It's easy to become endeared to someone who is on their best behavior.
However once the descent began, just like what happens with couples after they say "I do", every frightened part of me surfaced. Twenty minutes down the trail and I was having serious doubts about this mule I was on! (I will be sharing my list of doubts in my next blog. :-) ) Like magnets, we are drawn to someone whose issues will guarantee a reenactment of old, familiar struggles left over from childhood.
At this point, we either address our disappointments or decide we are with the wrong partner. My journey down had begun and I felt trapped. I wanted to quit but could not for two reasons. First, my husband and group of friends were hiking down a different trail and were expecting me at the bottom. There was no cell phone reception to message a change of plans. Second, I had no identification, no car keys, or even a dime on me (BIG MISTAKE).
I knew if I dismounted and hiked back up, there was nowhere for me to go. I was at the point of no return and had to face my fears. Big Steve's imperfections were glaringly evident, but I was committed for the long haul. What's the correlation to falling in love? Relationships are the fiery crucible of growth; there will always be a discrepancy between what you thought you signed up for and what you get. You will need God's grace to deal with the gap.
Down the trail we went. Suddenly, I was haunted by the words of the mule-skinner. Just before we left the corral he said, "I'm warning you. This ain't gonna be no Disney Land Pony Ride!" I closed my eyes as Big Steve stumbled on an icy patch near the edge. I managed to whisper, "Dear God, this is not what I expected! Please be Strong in me for what's ahead".
To be continued!
Until then, Blessings! ~ Deborah